Money Therapy

Money was always a source of inner conflict for me – I thought of it as a “necessary evil” while dreaming of having tons of it.

There have been times when I was making a lot of money… and times when I was living entirely off of my Craigslist income.

One time I made $20 selling an electronic home pedicure kit that my mom had given to me (I used it once and then realized I would rather have cracked feet than risk electrocuting myself!).

Seriously, though, money was that one aspect of “reality” that I constantly used as a filter for my decisions. No matter how big or small, if it involved money I felt uncomfortable, insecure and limited.

When I started my first business, I struggled for a while to figure out why I was having such a hard time asking people to pay for the products and services I had poured my heart into creating.

That’s just me, though.

What about you?

Pause for a moment and think about your financial situation for a couple minutes. Think about how much money is in your bank account, and what your current income is.

Actually do this! Stop reading, close your eyes, and think about it.

What happens inside when you think about your financial situation?

What thoughts and feelings come up?

Now, for a minute or two, imagine you just found out you won the lottery.

Let’s say it’s $100 million (instead of one of those terrible, pre-furnished “dream homes” that you would need to sell the moment you won it, but no one would want it because it’s in the middle of nowhere and the walls are made of styrofoam).

So you’re real money rich! Yes! Nice work.

Close your eyes again, and this time imagine all the cash in your bank account. Think of how your life would change if you had $100 million.

How do you feel?

Now, imagine a different scenario where you lose everything.

You’re completely broke and have no income. In fact, you’re in debt and owe thousands of dollars (and somehow you’re indebted to the company that designs those preposterous “dream homes”).

Really open up to this vision for a minute.

What feelings and thoughts come up for you?

Do you see how no actual money needs to change hands for you to create significant shifts in how you feel about your financial situation?

More importantly, do you see how all of these feelings are being created by you?

You are the source of all of your feelings about money – the good and the bad.

When I realized this for the first time, I had to do a complete re-examination of everything I thought I knew about money.

After all of these years of worrying about money, I saw that I WAS CREATING MY MONEY WORRIES.

When I was making lots of money, I was worried I was going to lose it.

When I was selling used foot-care products on Craigslist (that probably shouldn’t be used by two different people), I was worried I wasn’t making enough money to survive.

Money wasn’t creating my worries. I was.

This got me curious, to say the least.

You know what?

I don’t think most people are after money in the first place.

I think what we’re all really searching for is a feeling of security, acceptance and freedom.

That’s at least what I’m after.

And the truth is, all of those things already exist inside of each and every one of us. But as long as we live with the illusion that money is the source of those things, we will never truly feel secure, accepted or free.

I know many people who are incredibly wealthy, who will admit that money never solved their feelings of insecurity.

So what do we do, then?

Well, the first step I took on my journey was to make space to understand and integrate all of my fearful emotional and mental patterns around money.

And trust me, I had a lot of them.

But I invited them in (through exercises like the one I am going to share with you in a second), and sat with them.

I accepted them.

I even imagined myself thanking them! I acknowledged them for their intention to help protect me and make me happy.

After all, I obviously had these beliefs because I genuinely thought they were true and useful in my pursuit of fulfilment. Some of them were so fundamental to my money worldview that I didn’t even know I had them.

It was only when I started examining my beliefs and emotions around money in this non-judgemental and curious way that I was able to start letting go.

Here is a simple, powerful exercise for you:

Make a list of 10–20 beliefs you have about money.

For example, you might believe, “It’s not easy to make money,” or, “Money is the root of all evil,” or, “I don’t know how to make money.”

As you write, simply notice what comes up inside you – the thoughts and feelings that emerge as you wade into the uncharted waters of your money mindset.

Notice any judgements you might have towards yourself (or other people) as you do the exercise.

When you’re done that, look at what you wrote and ask yourself a few questions about each money belief:

• Is it true?
• Can I absolutely know that it’s true?
• What if I had the opposite belief (e.g., “It’s not easy to make money” became “It is easy to make money”)?
• Who would I be if I no longer had this belief… How would I show up in the world – in my personal, professional and private life?

I’ll pause here.

There is so much more to explore on the journey to transforming our relationship with money and I’d like to continue exploring this with you over time.

If you enjoyed what I wrote or felt you benefited from it, let me know.

If you want to hear more of my ideas on money, let me know.

If you have valuable ideas to add that have helped you and others, let me know.

If you’re upset because this triggered your insecurities around money, just know that I get you and my intention is to help you move past your emotional attachment to money.

Stay curious.